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Aardvark Aardvark Political Party - Environment Policy
Dog Poo
We are a nation of pet lovers and as such we own var nigh 60 million little pooing machines in the UK. Thats plenty in Blyth Valley. We believe that all pet owners should behave responsibly too. If its your choice to own a dog then I'm afraid its also your duty to spend time shovelling clarts and then carrying the steamy mess around in your own pocket. We recommend that you dont have a quarter of cola-cubes in the other pocket. Getting them mixed up just doesnt bear thinking about.
Cats are fine, they bury their own poo. Just dont let them forage for a cola cube afterwards.
Noise
We've yet to meet anyone who thinks a Vauxhall Corsa with a large exhaust and a chest freezer lid glued to the back of it is a good idea. Apart from, strangely, boys aged about 15 - 20. Now, far be it from us to alienate potential voters but its pretty difficult to sit on the fence with this one. So - we propose than anyone within this age range who makes the slightest modification to their car has to take it for inspection to a panel of good looking girls [aged 21-25]. If they are in the slightest impressed [level 3 out of 10 of the Clarkson smug impressedness look] then the modification stays. If not, the whole thing is scrapped.
Oh - and no radio's are allowed in these cars either. Full stop.
Greenfield sites
We propose a regionwide referendum to determine an update for our greenfield sites. It seems like years since they were any other colour. We are open to suggestions, but we like purple
Police
We propose that all police officers in the district will be armed with tazers to tazer people who dont pick up their own dog poo, drive crap boy racer cars or play their radios loud. Oh, or drink in the street. Or fight in the street. Or win more than a tenner on the lottery.
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