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Aardvark Aardvark Political Party
Social Policies
Daylight Saving Hours
What the hell is that all about anyway? Clocks go forward and clocks go back. Like we are somehow above time. So much that we can change it as and when we like ...
So, if we have to do this [was it for the farmers or the schoolkids or something?] then lets make it work for us.
If we are elected the clocks will go forward at 3pm on a Friday and back at 8am on a Monday. If we need to mess with time then lets enjoy the bloody benefits, eh?
Adrian Childs Support Agency
Anyone caught watching The One Show will have a percentage of their wages deducted and all monies raised will be channelled towards the abolition of mindnumbing, pointless, cheap to make, schedule filling television shows. We will also use the money to fund a team of detector vans who will seek out anyone who watches Golden Balls or Deal Or No Deal and the enforcement officers will then paint a large 'X' on the front door of the house, marking out the educationally subnormal.
Charvers
Anyone who calls charvers 'chavs' will be punished by having to dress like them, and will be forced to hang around outside Slix, smerking cheap tabs.
Smoking
We will push for a re-introduction of smoking in pubs that dont serve food [pasties are excluded, of course]. In these pubs, anyone who wants to eat will have to take their purchase outside and stand in the cold and wet.
Beer
Any male that orders a half of beer will have to pay twice the difference between the price of a half and the price of a pint in tax.
Early to bed, early to rise .....
When you get on in years [thats 46] and you feel you cant keep up with the 'scene' anymore you'll find you need to retire to bed earlier and earlier. We'll make it a criminal offence to take the piss out of such behaviour. Unless you live in Twickenham ......
In Jokes
These just are not allowed, full stop. Happy Birthday Hoody ....
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